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The Struggle of Clean

 
Today we had our Truth Session by @ashperlberg! Honestly at first I was like “yesssss” then the night before realizing I was going bare face, undone hair & in my Jammie’s I was more like “ummmm oh Lord Jesus come now”. Walking this talk of the celebration of honest rawness was bringing about all the anxiety I struggle with inside. We talk so much of this victory in the freedom of self acceptance but daily do we realize the battle.

We come from another side of the struggle. As a married set of neat freaks our house is cleaned up every night, dishes done & laundry ran. There is no mess as we plop in bed late each night. Our weekends spent around our home, always within these walls. Since we see each other 2 days a week we honor the need to stay usually more than the need to get out. The word “boring” kept creeping in my heart. So clean that some may think it’s fake, our outfits unintentionally matched which is always real but may seem planned. The spiral of lies began to race as did my pulse.

But this time I said no. Because this “boring” means putting our family first. The uneventful means we’re choosing to protect the life that we live amongst the already constant chaos. To say yes to us first & thank you but know to more than our plate can handle. This season of mundane has made me realize that through this sowing in, we are reaping love. On a level stronger than ever before. Here I’ve learned to be a mama first. Here he’s become a tender intentional father. Here our son has flourished in the routine amongst the coming & going. Here in this “boring” over the days of same, the stagnant water has drifted still.

Someday we’ll look up & see ourselves on top of this mountain. Behind will lie all the exhausting, boring, uneventful, stay at home days. Yet the treasures we’ve grown will still be carried with us into the next season.

So while I still fight against the false word of those who live in “the boring” season know for you & truth, in prayer I will always fight.

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