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The Hardest No & My Best Yes

I’ve been avoiding this post for months now. So here we are, doing, instead of making and excuse to wait for “the perfect timing”. Always the perfectionist, always trying to plan out the details God’s already done. I wish there was something I could say that would be an easy transition into the point of this post, but quit frankly I’m all out of things to say that “are so clutch”…I think that means cool. This is evidence that I’m getting old & super out of the hip young lingo loop. So here it goes, I’m just gonna lay it out.

It’s time for the end of photography. There. I said it. That’s the really boring, short version.This website will transition to a blog. My heart has so much to say about the overwhelming amount of grace we should have in motherhood, the release of this high standard of perfectionism we hold ourselves to & my honestly raw walk daily to seek God. I hope you’ll keep reading cause the longer version of this sudden goodbye puts a few more pieces together after six years of business.

I started this business right after we were married. For 6 years I’ve poured everything I have into it. Through it all God has been there, beckoning home. And while the gifts I carry are from God alone, I have let them define me. Define my life. Define who I am. So much has changed from the first session to the last.
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Two months ago I sat in church & clear as the day I heard his voice speak. “It is time”. My heart sank so swiftly it was all I could do from bursting into tears making those around me question my sanity. I’d like to say that my heart instantly cried “Yes Jesus! Closing my business sounds amazing! That is the best idea ever!” but i’m all about the rawness of this journey so I’ll be honest. Without hesitation the first word spoken in my head was “no.” Bold. Frank. Loud. Now I share that because quit frankly so many of us are stressed to the max based on what we see externally. We think everyone else’s walk is so easy as it’s filtered through social media received as truth. Others seem so perfect to eagerly follow God with this abundant joy that comes like breathing air.

However, the important part to that “no” is that it was immediately corrected by a “Ok, but please help me walk that out”. The goal is always to have that heart that says yes without hesitation, bursting with confidence in all that he has. Yet we are human & sometimes saying yes is hard. The important thing is that we have hearts that constantly seek out God, every moment of the day striving to mold our hearts spiritually to have the heart of Christ. So for two months I have wrestled with daily saying yes to the idea of laying it all down. Of letting go of that definition I have built up around myself, only knowing who I am with a camera in hand. For the first time in my life, I have been known & for the first time in my life I am giving that back.  I’m not closing at the peak of it all, after some milestone. Nor have I bottomed out, losing it all. There’s no perfect moment to wrap it all up, it simply is time. Time for the new.

This will be the first time in 6 years I have not work more than two jobs since the age of 15, I will have evenings with my husband, weekends with my family, coffee with my friends. I will work less than 70 hours a week, have no excuses about no time to workout & can finally create space to discover all that I am. For the first time, I will be first. Funny how when you write it all out you can see so clearly why he’s beckoned you for so long. Calling out for you because what he has is so much more than what we can see while blinded by false self definition. By the glory of success & validation in others. Yet the more I stare lovingly at the photos below taken by the ridiculously talented Weeno Photography  (book a family truth session stat), the more all of the reasons to stay fade. There is nothing in this world that should keep us from the blessing of family. If any job, hobby, goal or something else is hindering that bond between your hearts you must ask yourself in the end will that thing be worth it? The answer I pray for you is always no. Because in the end, that family of yours, that marriage, those babes…they should always win. That love will always bless far beyond anything that lies on this tangible earth. Those looks they give as giggles spill over, the kiss upon your head as his arms wrap tightly around you, the memories made on spontaneous adventures or the little joys tucked in between the daily dose of laundry. That is the glory of our days. Our family, our loves…most importantly our God, they should never be the receivers of our leftovers. We should not ever have to pencil them in. So as sad as I am to bid farewell to a part of my heart, I am finally at a place where truth has spoken louder. Because their love is worth it all.

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Quit frankly I’m not sure how to end this post of change, of goodbye, of thank you. So I’ll just say this. Thank you to those who have supported me for so many years, to the clients that have entrusted their families precious memories to me & the couples that have allowed me to share in their love story. Thank you to the friends & family that have walked this long road with me even though I seem so often to disappear off of the grid during the summer months of wedding season. Most of all thank you to God for continually beckoning me to walk in his will for every part of this journey, for blessing me more than I can imagine & for giving me one of the funnest jobs I never thought possible. Finally thank you to my love, for walking with me always. Sweet husband of mine you have held my hand through through all of the trials & celebrated every single victory. There is not enough I can say to express how humble I am that you have chosen my heart.

Here is to a new season, of hope, rest & love.
Blessings friends.

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