Ever since I was little the fear crept in as the light fell behind the trees. Even now grown & mighty my heart beats quickened when I walk surrounded by the dark. The presence changes, always have I sensed it.
Yet as I’ve aged the night has brought upon a changed in heart. Motherhood is different in the night. The pureness of this journey is fully revealed. Filled with weary, pressing in, crying out, seeking heaven. As a momma of an always sick little the night brings about all the what ifs we all pretend we don’t think about & the repeated I love You’s as we lay them down in bed & before the throne. As the sun sets I fight it back, for I see the hard that is destined to come. Everything intensifies in the stillness of night. My prayers of protection, of healing, of mercy. The illness seems to always worsen when the doctors have gone home. We sit turn constantly the ER decision in our head, creating boundaries of when to call it & go. No amount of exhaustion can compete with the heart of a mamas worry. We stand guard all night, checking on you more than is ever needed. There is rawness of motherhood in the cover of night. I know I’m not the only one who is consumed so often by the night, but I know it’s not a topic often chosen.
How good it is that will live in a village within a kingdom. No matter the hour we are never alone. Children of an always watchful Heavenly Father & sisters in motherhood. We text hearts who will walk with us in the hours of the quiet, post the barrenness of our hearts & whisper the most naked truth prayers to an always open ear.
For as the moon rises our hands grip tight. Together we’ll stand. Fighting it back, surrounding our babes. Bringing our own light by exposing the raw fear of our honest hearts in the night.