That little jar holds the last little bit of my baby. My tiny. My little. This weekend we decided it was time. The meme’s (his name for them) were tucked away on the top shelf & a bit of my heart stayed for awhile too.
We talked about growing older, we watched Elmo give up his binky (bless this episode), we worked through the hardest reality of regret after your decision was made in an instant of bravery. As bedtime came I held you as you wiggled, trying to relax without them. You reminded me that you were a big boy like Elmo, that you knew you could do it like the little blue engine, that you were Brave, strong & tough. Yes yes I cheered through misty eyes of loss. As my new big boy laid beside me, I longed for the night before.
It’s so funny how our pacifier babes get older we notice more & more judging glances. Then suddenly they disappear while in public. We lose them constantly only to grumble as we buy 8 more to avoid the bedtime meltdown. Never did I realize the reason my heart dreaded the end of these was not because of the tears that would ensue, the no nap days, the sleepless nights. My heart aches because it was the only thing left of your babyhood. This was the last piece. The last shred. The last familiar sound. No longer are you little, but a toddler in every way. You are big boy now with new adventures ahead.
So run ahead to conquer your big boy milestones. I’ll catch up. Right now I just need a moment to sit on that top shelf. Goodbye sweet baby. Every day was the best day.