Dear Momma Trying To Do It All:
I’m sorry we won’t get to hang out tonight. That we’re calling a rain check on our rain check. I can tell you’re staring in the face of disappointment & frustration in that mirror tonight. So let me tell you what I see.
I see a tired momma. Your concealer put on thick to cover the dark circles in the same way I coated on mine. That weary crooked smile once so familiar as you check every book, website, counselor, sleep doula & friend for advice to bring rest. We bring upon our own breakdowns, comparing our sleep terror babes to the well-rested children parading online. Believe me when I say, we don’t see the 6 hours of the day their momma begged them for sleep.
I see a brave momma. One that is staring her definitions of failure in the face & calling them lies. Before the babes our social calendars screamed success by quantity over quality. We over booked ourselves so frequent our bodies kept one foot in the grave for when they gave out. Now we drag the kids around just to save face & say “I can do it all. I can make it”. I know that every time theirs a blowout before the car seat, colds to miss another day or church or social rain check after rain check after rain check…you heart breaks a little. Momma I see.
Because I walked that road of self defeat. That first year I questioned my sanity when sleep didn’t come for 11 months. My days never right because they blurred so seamlessly together. I remember more days of chronically sick, high fevers, ear infections galore, than I remember healthy giggles. In the thick of it I had mastered the art of looking at you while holding back an ocean of tears. I began to cancel appointments left & right without any other explication than “I’m so sorry…I can’t”. I felt my calendar falling apart & with it a piece of all that I had built up.
So here is what I want to tell you. You are a mother. It’s ok to cancel with no other reason than “I can’t”. We see you r heart because we’ve walked that road for so long before you. You never owe an explanation. Our hands are clenched tight together on this motherhood road, lifting each other through the deepest of trenches. Look me in the eyes sweet momma when I say this…you are a good mom. Your priority is the life of that little that melts your heart. Not me, not your clients, not your friends. That babe. That right there is what it’s all about.
There are days when you will just look at me with eggshells holding you up. And in that moment I will smile, having come out the other side to whisper hope. It will end. Life will change. You will sleep. I promise this to you friend. Everything is a season & every season has an end.
So until that day. No more sorry’s, no more excuses, no more living as a slave to those definitions put on the fake presentation of others success. From now on, you rest, breath in grace for yourself & know that you are right where you need to be. Thriving in success of motherhood. This sweet momma, this is where we should be.